Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
