i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize