I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
