roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
