I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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