i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have fence marks all over my body
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
