And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
