Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
