The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
