There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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