I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My breasts were aching with rage.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
