alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want to make out with him forever
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
