You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize