I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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