Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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