I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
