YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize