My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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