please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
