people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize