Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
