Pappa wants mamma naked
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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