Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
