the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
