i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
