if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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