i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
