smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
