so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
