So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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