I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
