Non-Jews are for practice
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
