At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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