Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
