Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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