We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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