Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
