I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
