Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There are leaves in my underwear?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize