No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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