it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
