So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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