her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
