i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're like the curious george of whores
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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