so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
