i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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