During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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