You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
