Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
