I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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