ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I AM VODKA MAN
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
