Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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