I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
