It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
