Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
