She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize