Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
