you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
