pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
