My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
