you mean i was at the winter classic?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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