She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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