When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
