We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
